i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
