im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
