I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
being pregnant is like rehab
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
