ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
