What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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