Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
