i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
