i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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