dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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