Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
