You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
