drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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