The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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