i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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