my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
