Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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