so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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