im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
