I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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