drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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