I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's the barista slut.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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