he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
