I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found puke in my bra..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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