Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
