I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
