I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
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