I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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