What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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