Do you still have your period?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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