Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
