I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
