East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
