I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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