Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
