The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
