Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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