You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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