i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
