I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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