break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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