He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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