Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Floor bacon is actually really good
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
