Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
