I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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