Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
