Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
