WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
