I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
