Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
