I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
