I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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