And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
