you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
