FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
