On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
