my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
