worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
