Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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