I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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