I wish I only lived at night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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