party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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