is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
