a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
