I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
