You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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