I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
